Random flashback: I told myself I will not give in to nightmares, at least not until March. I'll live the days between December and February to the fullest, forgetting the tormenting regurgitations of every definition from every textbook, the endless haunts of war since freedom prevailed, the angst and the agony. I'll start over as a soldier would upon tasting the sweet air of liberty(To fellow literature classmates, no I don't agree with 'The New House' by Edward Thomas)
Back to reality: March. I just told myself I will control myself until next week. No nightmares, no anxiety attacks. So far it's working well, although my mind does drift to those gruesome moments, and back again. Then it drifts to the painful insecurities, and back again. I can feel it twisting my gut, and I know deep down it's back again.
"You're already in college, it doesn't matter anymore, it's okay..." They tell me.
It's not true what they say. We all just want to know that our efforts did not go to waste, and that we will never hear after it all the words, "You're already in college, it doesn't matter anymore, it's okay." And no guilt.
Back to the past: The footprints of those many people who took a step in my life are fading as the seas hacked the shores. If anything is to cheer me up about this, it would be the footprints emerging from the sand again.
For now, however, I'm telling myself I will not give in to nightmares. Not until next week, at least.
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