On a force that can't be reckoned with

I'm not that interested in sitting for this test, and I'm not happy that deep down there is a harbinger that I would eventually go for it.

Circumstances have a cruel way of forcing people into submission.

There's two ways I can go for it. I could insist, for the following months, that what I have is sufficient enough as an English requirement. After all, what I have now came out of years of effort. If I do succeed, I'll be as satisfied as times when I consume ice-cream.

But there's the other thing - it would involve a big gamble. How big? I guess it's big enough to offset everything else I've been working myself out for over the past year.

I haven't been able to get a straight answer on whether it is possible to not sit for it, so that doubles the stakes.

Yes, I realize that I'm trying to justify myself. What are the odds that something miraculous would happen tomorrow? I can't even answer that myself.

Just pondering over a decision that circumstances have already chosen for me.